


You Raise Me Up

by Lady Divine (fhartz91)



Series: Outside Edge [52]
Category: Glee
Genre: Alternate Universe, Christmas, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Ice Skating, Light Angst, M/M, Mention of cancer, Romance, figure skating
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-04
Updated: 2018-12-04
Packaged: 2019-09-07 06:29:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16848889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fhartz91/pseuds/Lady%20Divine
Summary: Preparing for a special Christmas exhibition leads to a discussion about life, the universe, and everything in between.





	You Raise Me Up

_When I am down, and, oh, my soul, so weary,_ __  
_When troubles come, and my heart burdened be,_  
_Then, I am still and wait here in the silence,_  
_Until you come and sit awhile with me …_

Sebastian’s eyes follow his boyfriend as he glides across the ice, transitioning from an inner edge spiral to a twizzle, then a swirling spread eagle. The song playing over the speakers around the rink – _You Raise Me Up_ performed by Josh Groban - is slow, lyrical, note after note flowing like a river constricted by the shore into a tight, thin line. It forces Kurt to focus on his edges, maintain complete and utter control over his form. There is no room for error in this routine. A single wobbly blade or wonky foot position will throw his balance off. But Kurt is an athlete - a cheerleader and a dancer aside from being a skater. His form is exquisite, his control superhuman.

Kurt has more control over his body than anyone Sebastian has ever met.

For this song, Kurt doesn’t move like a skater. He moves like a dancer – strong lines, long extensions, pointed toes the audience won’t be able to see within his skates but which help to elongate his body. Skating this routine takes a level of technicality and expertise that Sebastian, with all his years of vigorous (and _expensive_ ) training, could never pull of as stunningly as Kurt.

Kurt isn’t simply performing to the song playing overhead. It has seeped into his body and he has become a part of it – one of the many notes flowing down that river of music. It’s almost as if the tune was composed for him to skate to it, the choreography he’s come up with a perfect complement to its meaning. It’s a trifecta rarely seen when a skater takes the ice in competition – nerves and stress interfering with artistry and focus.

But this isn’t a competition piece. It’s an _exhibition_ piece – an opportunity for Kurt to show off his skills without the pressure of being judged.

And it’s the most exceptional routine Sebastian has ever seen Kurt skate.

The twist to this whole magnificent performance is that Kurt _hates_ this song. He hates Celtic-inspired ballads, which he feels have been done to death in the pop music genre. He hates the numerous soulful swells that fake you out more than twice into thinking you’re about to reach the climax. He hates the bizarrely incongruous and vaguely vain video that accompanies the song. But most of all, he hates the religious overtones. As a general rule, Kurt tries to avoid skating to anything that can be deemed ‘religious’ or ‘sacred’, even when it comes to classical pieces. But this isn’t just any exhibition he’s preparing for. It’s a Christmas exhibition thrown in honor of one of Westerville Ice-plex’s most beloved coaches, Coach Amelia Reinhart, and the song was a special request from her.

Seeing as she’s dying of the same cancer his mother recovered from, he couldn’t say no. Not for anything in the world. She’s a member of the two communities that have impacted him the most during his life.

That makes her family.

But they recently found out there’s no guarantee Coach Amelia will be able to see the exhibition in person. So the cast is filming their performances ahead of the exhibition and making her a private copy. Kurt is recording his routine in Sebastian’s private rink.

Sebastian is the man behind the camera.

They decorated for the occasion with tons of twinkling white lights, garland draped along every wall, poinsettia perched in the far corners, and a Christmas tree in the center, decorated in bulbs and ribbons of crimson and gold. Kurt doesn’t usually use props when he performs. His handcrafted (and often over-the-top) costumes are the only bells and whistles he needs. But this time he chose a cream colored pair of pants and a pale pink shirt, understated and elegant, to highlight the candle in his hands – an LED one so he doesn’t burn himself, the stick a slightly darker shade of pink than his shirt.

Both a symbol of breast cancer awareness.

To maintain the idea that the candle is real, Kurt refrains from doing many of his more impressive jumps, but that, too, is an homage. As a consequence of Coach Amelia’s many procedures, she needed to have her left foot amputated.

Since she can no longer jump, Kurt opted not to either.

Sebastian is skating in the exhibition, too. He and Kurt are performing a jazzy, humorous duet to break up the sentimental melancholy. It’s hella upbeat, with lots of physical comedy and visual jokes, and the cheesiest costumes they could find. But during the time he’s watched Kurt practice his solo, he’s thought up choreography for the two of them to _this_ song, with holds and turns and lifts (the lifts are kind of mandatory seeing as Josh sings _You raise me up!_ about a thousand times).

As with a lot of religious songs, the lyrics to this one sound deceptively romantic. He probably won’t tell Kurt this anytime soon, but Sebastian loves this song. The words hold a lot of meaning for him, especially now that he has Kurt. Sebastian isn’t conceded enough to think that _Kurt_ is stronger when he’s on his boyfriend’s shoulders. But Sebastian definitely is.

When they skate together and he lifts Kurt up, Sebastian feels like he can do anything.

The song reaches its final crescendo, and Kurt enters his last sit spin. The routine ends with Kurt setting the candle down carefully on the ice, backing away a foot, then standing with legs slightly spread, gazing up at the spotlight. Sebastian waits a few seconds as Kurt holds that pose, then puts the camera on pause. Once he gets it on his computer, he’ll fade it to black after the song ends, with a dedication in the final frame. He gets choked up thinking about that, about how final it sounds. This exhibition could very well be the last time Coach Amelia sees them skate.

Sebastian has known Coach Amelia his entire life. He’s not okay with that.

“How was that?”

Sebastian turns his gaze from his camera and watches Kurt slide to a stop. He looks like a guardian angel in his outfit, right out of an old, black and white Christmas movie.

Sebastian wipes tears off his cheek with his fingertips. Kurt pretends not to notice.

“You were … _perfection_.”

“Wow,” Kurt teases. “I got the _p_ word, huh?”

“You earned it. Do you want to see it?”

“Eww.” Kurt chuckles, hiding his own sniffle. “No. Not yet. Not unless we can mute the music.”

“You really don’t like that song, do you?” Sebastian asks, wrapping his arms carefully around Kurt’s waist so as not to wrinkle his shirt.

“I have nothing against the song really, it’s just …” Kurt’s eyes drift down to the pale pink of his shirt and he sniffles again “… it makes me think. And I don’t skate to think. I skate to get away from thinking.”

“What does it make you think about?”

“My mom mostly. Life. The universe. _God_.”

“That’s a lot of big ticket items.”

Kurt nods, smiling to himself. It’s not a happy smile, but it seems to fit. “Life is so hit and miss. My mom, she’s been an athlete all her life, and she’s been battling cancer since her twenties. My dad eats bacon and eggs for breakfast, lunch, and dinner practically, and his doctor just recently told him that his cholesterol is getting a little high.”

“Yeah,” Sebastian says, “that’s … that’s crazy.”

“I get why people choose to believe in God. It’s nice to think that someone somewhere is looking out for us, wanting the best for us, planning something nice for us when all of this is over. But there comes a time when it’s actually a lot more comforting to believe that the bad things that happen - they’re just random, and not the whim of some temperamental overlord who might decide that the best thing for us is an early death due to a wasting illness, and we don’t get to question why. Seems a lot less … I don’t know … _personal_.”

Keeping one arm around Kurt’s waist, Sebastian removes the blockers from his blades, then steps on the ice. He glides around the outskirts, taking Kurt with him. “Did you ever believe in God?”

“I tried,” Kurt admits, winding an arm around Sebastian’s shoulders, sliding into waltz position. “When I was little. When my mom’s cancer came back, the one thing people always said was that they were going to pray for her. I began to wonder if that could make her magically get better. So I gave it a shot, because what did I have to lose? I even read the Bible. But the thing is, Christians say that God is their father. But he seems rather unforgiving for a dad. He has so many rules, and a lot of them make sense. But a lot of them don’t. Story after story, it seemed like God was setting people up to fail.”

“I’ve never heard it put that way,” Sebastian says, “but I can see your point.”

“Plus, I’ve always heard that you judge a parent by the actions of their kids, and the Christians I know? They’re jerks! Our cheerleading squad has a couple of real Bible thumpers, and they’re some of the worst people I’ve ever met. They’re hypocritical, they’re mean, they have all kinds of sex …”

A joke along the lines of _Why hasn’t anybody ever told me that before? I’d go to McKinley in a second!_ pops into Sebastian’s head, but now doesn’t seem like the time, even if it might break the tension that’s been building since Kurt first stepped on the ice.

“My dad is one of the best in the world. He doesn’t judge me. He doesn’t dole out random punishments. He doesn’t make me pray to him, or burn oxen in his honor. If I was going to base a religion around a single father figure, it would be him.”

Sebastian tries not to chuckle, but he fails with a snort. “I’d have to agree.”

“What about you?” Kurt asks, leaning into Sebastian’s change in direction. “What are your feelings about God and death and whatnot?”

“I don’t have any feelings about that.”

“Why not?”

“Because I don’t plan on dying.”

“Ha-ha,” Kurt says drily. “Seriously.”

“Seriously?” Sebastian sighs. This isn’t a question he likes to ponder all too often. Who does? “I don’t think about it. Then again, I haven’t had the reasons you’ve had to explore my thoughts about religion. My family isn’t particularly religious. I can’t remember us ever discussing it. There was the occasional prayer at the dinner table, but those were mostly reserved for holidays. I guess my parents felt it was generally understood that God exists; he’s the good guy; don’t steal, kill, or do drugs; and nothing else needed to be explained. But if I _had_ to think about it …” Sebastian pauses for a long, hard swallow. He’s about to make a declaration out loud that he hasn’t yet resolved in his head, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t true “… I’d have to say I agree with you. The Bible and Christianity and God … it’s comforting and all. But it doesn’t really make sense. But if there is a God, I hope he’s as forgiving as everyone claims, and we can just chalk this up to a _huge_ misunderstanding.” Sebastian taps his right fist over his heart, then throws a peace sign to the sky, and Kurt laughs.

“Yeah. Here’s hoping.”

“Only time will tell. In eighty, a hundred years, we’ll know for sure.”

They complete a full circle of the rink, around the tree, past the candle on the ice, its LED flame flickering. Sebastian takes Kurt’s hands and lifts him up, pivots twice, then puts him back gently on his blades. It’s a move that makes Kurt smile every time, the kind of smile Sebastian needed to see – carefree and happy, at peace with the world in the only place he truly can be.

Kurt doesn’t stop smiling after they settle back into their rhythm, flushed cheeks round and red as apples. “One of the reasons I love skating is time doesn’t exist when you’re on the ice. You slip on your skates, you fly down the ice, the cold fills your lungs, and you feel like you’re going to live forever.”

“Yup. People would save a lot of money on cryogenics if they took up figure skating.”

“Absolutely. But the rink would be crowded all the time, so don’t tell anybody.”

“So, did you want to run your program again? Get another take?” Sebastian asks. He’s in no hurry to stop skating with Kurt, but there are things Kurt mentioned wanting to do today. Things he said were important.

Things Sebastian knows are a way to keep his mind off the exhibition, and Coach Amelia.

Kurt slows them down a bit. He slides closer to his boyfriend, rests his head on his shoulder. “No. I just want to keep doing this.”

“For how long?”

“I think … until the candle burns out.”

Sebastian smiles. “But it’s not a real candle.”

“Then we’re going to be here for a while.”


End file.
